- The Major strength of my essay was the connections I made between the texts. I feel that I expressed DFW’s ideas well and connected them to the arguments of Paul Bloom. I also thought my interpretation of how to better take both of these authors’ recommendations to heart, or my connection between the texts as I said earlier was very strong. I allowed my reader to understand that life can be dull at times but asking a question about someone else’s life could help you and them.
- Revising my second essay was similar to the first, I feel that I haven’t gained many skills in revision however I did download Grammarly. It doesn’t do much but it helps me find synonyms and make my sentences a little clearer. Or I can change my wording to avoid repetition. My first body paragraph second paragraph where I bring the reader further into my text and introduce Bloom I feel very proud of. I worked over it several times and I feel that it’s written quite well.
- I did use several quotes from both DFW’s speech and Bloom’s ted talk. I also incorporated Konnikova later in my paper. After every quote, I explored the meaning and analyzed it to find my meaning. Both writers are very passionate about their topic and I found that I was moved more by Bloom’s harsh critique of empathy. I also utilized a Barkly paragraph to better connect two sources while still trying to be brief.
- I particularly liked this line of argument in my third to last paragraph, “We tend to blow specific events out of proportion and over a large period we tend to forget about the smaller singular events which end up being much more harmful overall.” This sentence directly explains my opinion on empathy and how it makes certain events overshadow the smaller recurring events which cause more harm overall. I had explained before this several other downsides of empathy including its insensitivity to data and its inefficient attempt of sharing the wealth.
- The thesis for my second essay I’m not fond of but here it is, “It’s not uncommon to hear of an adult who lost their temper, but you will always have the choice to care and show empathy, doing so will allow you to think outside of your own life and consider someone else’s reality.” I attempt to make it clear that showing compassion or care for another person can help you and them. Metal health is very important and expressing a small example of caring such as a greeting or attempt to make conversation can help a person far more than one may realize. Moving on into your adult years as life may become more difficult compassion becomes more important as family grows old with you and friends drift apart. My first thesis I prefer is, “With Megan’s story in mind and Konnikova’s examples, social media has allowed humans to be hateful and cruel without interacting in person.” I felt that this thesis was much better composed and clear as can be. It gets my point across and mentions both sources quickly without sounding rushed. Both sentences infer my main argument for the paper to come while providing background from texts. My second thesis doesn’t mention my sources directly however my first one does which I found was something I liked changed. It was redundant to include my sources in my thesis.
